Ew.

Hi! It's been too, too long. I'm sorry! And if you are reading this, I love you for not forgetting about me!

But anyway. The subject of today's blog: the above picture.

Say it with me!

Ew.

Jessica, you are disgracing black nail polish. You are a Barbie. A blonde, tan, California, cookie-cutter Barbie. You belong in bright pink nail polish, along with a shirt that says, "I'm a bimbo! Laugh at me!"

Black nail polish has forever been the "f-fashion" color of choice. It is the opposite of what people think nail polish should be: pretty and sweet and colorful. It doesn't belong effortlessly glided on long, perfectly squared-off talons of the Hollywood "It" girls. No. It belongs chipped, on short, rounded nails of hipsters everywhere. What people {aka my mother} don't realize is that black nail polish is not goth anymore! No! It is cool and hip, and always will be. It doesn't belong paired with designers gowns and Chanel bags. No. It belongs paired with jeans and flats or sneakers and layers and scarfs and messenger bags and band tshirts and buttons.

All those Hollywood starlets are trying too hard. Because they will never be as cool as all the girls who can truly pull it off, without even trying.

Cheers.

Dynamite with a laser beam,
Moi